Thinking

Happy June to everyone I am happy that I am half way done with my schooling ,so that I will be able to go on break and enjoy life even more. In this last couple of months I have really been thinking. Not just about having a lot of children , but about Me and how I feel about Marriage. I try to take everything evaluation and figure out the best way for me, but I think that is the hardest thing to do right now because I keep changing my mind. I love thinking but I get confused about how I would like to plan everything out. I know that some things might not go according to my plans ,so I try to make a plan A,B,C,and even D. Event though I am still pretty young I worry so much about this I feel like I`m going crazy. I tell myself to try to slow down and let my actions take it course , but I don't listen to myself. In think that its a problem for me to stop worrying  and live my life because I have seen so many people struggle with Marriage and Children and just life in general. I don't want that to happen to me, I have already been through enough I don't want to remember the bad times just the good times but it seems like once I am alone and just thinking to myself the bad times seems to try to come back alive. I want to forgive all the hurt I have gone through and still am going through, but I cant seem to forgive a person that has put me through deep waters ......... and just say " I forgive you". I want to forgive all that has done me wrong, and I`m trying to figure out the best way to do so, I have to evaluate everything. I want to forgive and never think about it again. Until that happens hopefully soon ,I will speak about all the wonderful times I am having and had in the past I have enjoyed myself sort of , now that I think back I kind of wish I would have done a few things differently like School . I wish that I would have not worried about my home life and focused more on getting better grades and being on the honor roll and celebrating being a child. Or even now I wish that I would have found a better job to pay for school , instead of using other means of money. I like to fill independent and have that ability to do those kind of things. Even though I am still in school right now I want to get finished with it and then take a break to go travel and explore the world mainly South Korea , Japan, and China. Then in this time I can rethink my life and what I want to do for it. Besides being able to make really cool Vlogs for people On You Tube and begin a person that cares so much about others and wants the best for myself. I want to be able to share a wonderful experience  and time with friends and family. I think this was great to be able to share my thoughts and needs and brag a little here and there. Thanks for Reading!!